As an older gentle-person, I’ve seen the marketing change over time for describing what computer programmers do. When I was child it was Rapid Application Development or RAD. I think this is best term. I like the “extreme” sports nature of it and it fits with the title of this post.
Agile is a modern software development methodology emphasizing adaptive planning, evolutionary development, early delivery, and continuous improvement. It promotes flexible responses to change and collaboration among self-organizing cross-functional teams.
Agile is perhaps the single biggest contributor to shit code-bases and jaded work-forces. 2-week sprints are hilariously impotent. Especially when you have 6 meetings between sprints and your management-chain infects the process daily. They just yap and you gotta drink it.
Short-term gains become long-term losses as you churn on things that matter to no one but the guy managing the jira/kanban board. But, by all means, keep doing it. It will give me time to catch up.
Because everything is planned and binned in ~2 week sprints, and everyone is RUNNING, nobody stops to smell the flowers. Stopping to think and say, “hey maybe this is architecturally wrong.” There is no time to fix systemic issues in an agile environment. You do look like you are working really hard though and getting it done!
You keep marching towards a false goal and you can’t stop!
Agile is a management technique, not an engineering technique.
Waterfall
Agile was sold as the solution to waterfall. Waterfall is the traditional approach of planning everything out and then after a Critical Design Review (CDR) you then begin to “cut metal” or type code. I believe this approach is still superior because it forces people to think about the entire journey. Not just where they will fill up for gas next.
Agile is a hedge for management that won’t/can’t specify up front what they want/need, because often they don’t know. Only develop what you need as you need it. It would probably work if everything in software wasn’t connected.
While remodeling a house, there is no way that hanging a picture or painting a wall can cause the light-switch to now not only turn on the light, but now it flushes the toilet as well
Scrum
When a word comes from a sport like Rugby. What do you expect this process to look like? It is a giant clusterfuck. All these yappers talking about coding and project management. They are distracting you!
There is no clean code, there is no silver bullet. Work hard, pay attention, ITERATE!
MVP
The Minimum Viable Product is the only thing that Agile may be good for. Thrash, Thrash, Thrash and get something going. But a stable mature “Product” should never probably never use agile. I may die on this hill. Fail as fast as you can and build MVP in a sprint. But don’t ever call it Agile, it isn’t!
Companies / Software Ruined by Agile:
- Excel
- … now accepting submissions in comments
please help me fix this article into a coherent rant instead of an old man yelling at the clouds 🙂
Freestyle development is when you just have a blank text file and an idea, and you go make something out of nothing. This is the way to get started to make dreams into reality.





























